And to think that I’ve waited three years for this shit.
Forget the hours of waiting in front of the ticket booth, caught up in the deafening shrieks of hyperactive teenyboppers (my very own daughter included) all too eager to watch this must-see “grown-up” movie which every single one of their peers has seen on the very first screening since his/her mom had pre-booked the ticket from April. Am talking about the three years wait which started exactly from the moment I got my lazy ass up from my seat at the end of the second movie, with a craving feeling that I believed can only be fulfilled by the third installment of this beautiful saga.
Even though consistently cursing the highly kept secret production notes which “accidentally” kept on leaking out and toyed with my curiosity, I applauded the selection of Thomas Haden Church and Bryce Dallas Howard yet questioned the appointment of Topher Grace. Church could’ve played either Sandman or Eddie Brock/Venom perfectly (as it was heavily “rumored” during that time these villains were confirmed to appear) since he possesses very similar physical characteristics to both, which kind of left Grace as the odd man out. When it was finally revealed that Grace will play Venom, I just couldn’t escape nightmares of a scrawny symbiote with skinny fangs. For me, that’s Strike One, Raimi.
Then along came the movie trailers, with an unprecedented CGI-fest guaranteed to blow our mind. As impressed as I was by those trailers, somehow I felt cheated. The trailers showed so much action-packed scenes from the movie, they practically left nothing for the audience to expect from the film (except for Venom’s true form and, of course, the dialogues). Strike Two.
Finally the wait was over, and there we were lining up amidst a mob of chest-high web-heads screaming impatiently in front of one of 21 Cineplex’s many studios. Soon thereafter was one of the most disappointing 139 minutes of my life, started with the highest of anticipation only to end in a Brock-like hatred toward the filmmaker. Raimi obviously was trying to cram one too many plots into this already very complex epic, probably due to the unclear nature of another sequel lining up for his paycheck. Well, I guess he just wrote off the possibility of a Raimi-made fourth installment on his own. I don’t care if the younger (read: underage) viewers loved his adaptation, because for someone who grew up visiting Rubino and DH Comics almost every after-school for his latest hit of Spidey tales, there were just too much perversion than any true Spider-Man fan can handle. (I am still not going to spoil the film for you, though) And his rendition of Venom (which was about the ONLY worth-waiting-for subject left out from those damned trailers) was fugly! Effin' ugly! Strike Three and you’re out!
Perhaps Raimi intended to hit this one out of the park, with the bases fully loaded. Unfortunately his (presumably) last swing at bat was off the mark. Way off.
But Bryce Dallas Howard as Gwen Stacy was smokin’ HOT! Hey Parker, I’d most definitely take her over MJ any day.